I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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