I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
