Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
