The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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