Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You can't motorboat a personality
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
