My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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