mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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