So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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