you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
