That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
