im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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