Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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