My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
