i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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