for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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