Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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