It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
