We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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