So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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