i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
