and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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