I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
