Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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