So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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