She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's shark week go big or go home
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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