if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said her name was "party"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
