took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
