cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
