New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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