I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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