There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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