I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
