This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
