Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
