I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
