There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
