Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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