I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
