I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
