sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
