I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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