i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
