Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
