I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
