I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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