I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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