before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you didnt know i had herpes?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
