You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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