so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
