we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
