I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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