I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
