Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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