K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
